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By Megan, July 29, 2010 9:55 am

Oh hi. Yeah, how you doing? Oh good, good. Yeah I’m fine. Just racking my brain as to what to do this weekend- there just seems to be absolutely nothing on? Thinking about tending to my venus fly trap. Maybe start filing my Golden Girls box set in order from the episodes Betty White features the most in through to Bea Arthur. Might grab a vintage red, sit out on the back patio one eve and just listen to nature, y’know? Appreciate the little things for once. Take it slow. Actually, I could put together some cheeses and invite a friend round, discuss the coming election and the like…….hey, what are you up to? Any plans? Because you’re more than welc………….Oh.

You’re……… going to Splendour.

 Fuck you.

Well any who, just for you, here’s beard of the week a day early. Meet Francis. I’m a big fan of Francis. Well, from the bits of conversation I can piece together (which are more than often blurred by my drunken and disorderly behaviour-pretty classy like that) I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a big fan. What angelic tendrils of bearded curls he has! And I mean we share the same birthday. ‘Nuff said. Absolute genius. 

Which bearded character do you aspire to the most?
Gandalf: That guy can do things with a staff that would blow your mind. More like ‘YOU SHALL NOT ASS’.

What is your grooming routine?
I usually just trim with a set of garden shears. If I cut myself I just pour some whiskey on it while I bask in my immense masculinity.

Do you find that the beard helps with the ladies/gents?
I have a sneaking suspicion when my girlfriend says ‘I love you’, she’s talking to the beard.

Other than beard-related activities, what else do you do in your spare time?
Ride around on the 86.. So Hungover..

Favourite beard inspired tune of all time?
Anything by Joaquin Phoenix.

If you had a sidekick, what would be their title?
‘Bumfluff Boy’ or ‘Peachfuzz Pete’

Thoughts on bearded ladies….
Third favourite circus freak after the accordian playing monkey and the fat guy who gets hit by a cannonball.

Colonel Sanders or the whole of ZZ top?
Colonel Sanders. But mix in a bit of Dave Grohl circa 1992 and just a hint of Tom Hanks in ‘Castaway’.

WIIIIIIIILLLLLSSSOOOOOOOON!!

Have you ever submitted a photo to http://dudeswithbeardseatingcupcakes.tumblr.com/?
Against all odds I’ve never been photographed eating a cupcake, Despite eating the better part of a dozen in front of Ian Knight not two weeks ago.

Would you? Could you?
I’ll do anything once. Twice if you pay me.

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By Peny, July 28, 2010 7:12 pm

A thousand apologies! Our weekly Lambda post is running late due to busy schedules and missed emails lost in cyber space. In the mean time, to keep you occupied and to further embarrass Megan and our good friend Maggie Nolan, but more so Megan, here is a video of people from Lambda. Be sure to look out for Megan jumping in the air screaming Lambda, talking about how she wishes hook ups would just disappear and signing off by throwing a sly wink at the camera man, aka Tim ‘candy drop’ Spooner. Good times.

Keen to have the worst of times at Lambda? Hook up with a beautiful bearded fellow as such demonstrated in the video? Just becareful if you have glasses, love. Anyway we have 5 double passes to give away. If you want one all you gotta do is email peny@penylane.com with ‘hook up’ in the subject line and one of them could be yours.

Stay tuned for actual post coming soon. Promise x

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By Peny, July 28, 2010 11:59 am

Let your eyes be raped by the latest offering from Brisbane/London label OKAY! The two travelling boys behind the label Gav and Kris have a taste for all the colourful and cool things in life; MIA, Cassette Playa, dinosaurs, nineties nostalgia and so on. Taking their high brow taste and turning it into clothes has resulted in a range that embraces neon brights, mind boggling prints and tongue in cheek humour. All an all its fun and infectious and makes me want to chew gum obnoxiously, wear black lip liner and dance to Pump up the Jam. When I met Gav last year for an article I wrote for The Vine he was kind enough to give me their Madonna scarf, and I have cherished it ever since. Now I have my eye on the Hip Hop Doesn’t Suck t-shirt and those Ricki Lake shorts. Awww remember Ricki! I miss the good old days of paternity and lie detector test tv. It taught me words of wisdom like ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ and  ’ain’t nothing but a ho’ which proved to be very useful later on in life. For those of you a little fuzzy on the joys of Ricki, here’s a timely refresher. Your welcome.

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By Peny, July 27, 2010 3:14 pm

A little Shaybird over at Petrova house sent me these pretty pictures last night. They are from the look book for Lady Petrova’s Spring Summer collection ‘Love Hotel.’ Those who own Foxtel will be familiar with the name. I am not a Foxtel subscriber but I do remember our fashion writer Regan speaking his praises when the designer appeared on the Australian Project Runway series.Beside that I had not heard much of the Melbourne designer until now. Anyone who can produce a pastel collection of lace overlays, Peter Pan collars, pussy bows, sheer frills, love heart necklines and still manage to make it look modern and sexy wins in my book. In theory it should be a diabetic overdose of sugary sweet, but these painterly pictures prove otherwise. That colourful braid and strong brows help the modernity cause too. Love a good brow. The images have an innocent mysticism too them, while the clothes are, as the name suggest, very lady-like.There is a unique edge to their classic cuts that is easier said than found in the current consumer market. For the naughty girl who stays out partying all night in her bra with an apple on her head then has to wake up the next morning, wipe the eyeliner out from under her eyes (don’t lie to yourself, you’ve done it to) put on a dress and pretend to be a lady at a high tea. If only I had known about Lady Petrova last year when I had to attend the Stanford High Tea with people from work, hung over as all fark, after only three hours of sleep, wearing tartan pants and a white t-shirt. Surrounded by a sea of floral dresses, pearls and little sandwiches, my delightful red tartan pants certainly bought attention to my seedy state and really brought out the red in my tired eyes. Where were you and your delightful frocks then Petrova! Really could have used you. But as Oprah says, now that I know better, I’ll do better. Thanks little Shaybird.

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By Peny, July 26, 2010 2:57 pm

When I first saw Vivian’s model, Avril Alexander at the MSIT graduate parade three years ago, her cheesy end of the runway grin made me want to rub sand in my eyes. Bit rash I know, but that grin without fail was flashed everytime she went to pose, it was practically a cheese plate – of vomit smelling cheese too. The next time I saw her was as Rosemount Swim Fashion week, sans parmesan cheese smile and with a new found contract with IMG, thanks to one hell of a bikini worthy body.Then the next was at Australian Fashion Week.Then again the following year.Then in the Ellery look book, and so on and so on.I logged on to lastnightsparty.com last night (ironic, I know) for my fix of social pics porn and drunken style inspiration, and there was that grinning familiar face starring into the lens of Merlin Bronques. While it might not be a Chanel catwalk, it’s certainly not a bad start. Ohh did I just here a Tallulah Moreton/Cobra Snake echo? *echo echo*She’s almost got a bit of a gremlin face going on, which isn’t too far from the munchkin mug of Abbey Lee Kershaw. I wouldn’t quite say I’m crushing (I’m more of a sucker for that Brisbane doll faced Hannah Glasby girl) but I am putting my gold chocolate coins on Avril as a face to watch for on the international runways. And the ready to wear shows aren’t too far away. I think she’d make a good Wang/Proenza Schouler girl, what do ya reckon?

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By Peny, July 23, 2010 12:02 pm

For those new to this blog, once upon a time, around a few months ago we had a very popular Friday post called ‘Babe of the Week’ where we would profile people that we had crushes on and wanted to tell the world just how awesome we thought they were. We were young and naïve, full of love and laughter and our main innocent aim, apart from having an excuse to talk to said crushes, was to brighten up a few people’s days. Give ‘em a wink and tell them we thought they were a bit of alright. Never did it actually occur to us that some people weren’t too keen on being winked at, nor did we fathom that those we didn’t wink at would end up resenting us and writing off, what intended to be a bit of fun, as some big scenster wank fest. After a few cruel words, we caved, our spirits easily broken, and babe of the week was abandoned like the toy you get with a happy meal. Seriously – where do they all end up?

A few months have past since and we’ve now had the time to build up our courage again, we’ve practice our winking and like a new divorcee, we’re ready to get back into the babe game. But this time we’ve decided to give it a hairy twist. In homage of one of the biggest babes that ever lived – Cat Stevens, we’re on the look out for glorious beards.

This week’s bearded beauty is Sydney stunner Mikey. Utterly impressed by his knack for not shaving and his slight resemblance to fellow beard Zach Galifianakis, Mikey’s impressive thick facial growth makes him the ideal first beard of the week. The urge to curl up and take a nap in this here chin carpet is strong. Mmmmm luscious.Mikey works at the Ksubi store in Paddington and was snapped by our southern correspondent Rachel of I want what she’s wearing. Mikey has been growing his beard for a while now because his friend, the designer for Graz sunglasses, wants him to be bearded when he models in the upcoming lookbook for Graz. We’ll keep our eyes peeled for you Mikey, but in the mean time keep up the good growing effort.

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By tom, July 23, 2010 10:30 am

My recent interview with New Young Pony Club got me thinking about the trials and tribulations of the record label Modular. Not only did these thoughts lead me to the horrible realisation that I’m 5 years older and 5 years uglier, but also to the fact that my once favourite genre (Nu-Rave) has pretty much made like a banana and split.

Whilst the crazy fluoro cycling shorts associated with Nu-Rave have deservedly gone to hell along with Freddy Krueger and Justin Beiber, the flagship band of the genre and Modular staples, The Klaxons, are very much alive. The band have taken the first step of a potentially triumphant return by releasing the video for their first single “Echoes” off their as yet unreleased 2nd album.
Have a listen and remember the good old days of 2005 when it was somewhat acceptable to spend a Saturday night at the Mustang Bar drinking beer straight from the jug. Ahhh nostalgia.

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By Peny, July 22, 2010 2:59 pm

Coat of Arms: Vintage faux fur coats, Allannah Hill fluffy beanie and fur clutch, woollen scarf from Italy.THIS IS WHAT I WORE TO: yet another day at the office which was followed by the Two Blocks festival launch party. Please excuse the half bemused half petrified look on my face. This was taken at 8am on our 26th floor balcony (read: freezing) by my mother, who turns out has a bit of trouble pointing a camera at me and pressing a button – thus the confused look on my face. But LOOK – I found a cream furry coat! And for only $45 from a vintage store on Brunswick Street. The beanie and bag were purchased soon after, and all together they keep me incredibly warm.The Two Blocks festival runs in Melbourne central from the 19th to the 31st of July and brings culture and creativity to the public including unique art exhibitions, live painting, a pop-up fashion event and music performances. On the fashion front, there will be a special surprise installation in the festival’s second week, showcasing the latest streetwear from Melbourne Central Retailers.

The thought of not really knowing anyone at the launch was a little scary (cept we did spy Rhys from Make Me A Supermodel. ZOMG FAMOUS!) but that nervous feeling quickly subsided when we realised there was free vodka and Grill’d burgers on offer. When in Rome?This is my new Melbourne friend/partner in cruiser crime, Caroline (all the guys would say she’s mighty fine – mighty fine!) She’s actually from Brisbane too and through a twist of fate and probably pity (via a curly haired man) has adopted me. She’s going to be part of the ever growing Penylane team too, but in the mean time will accompany me to parties, drink the free booze and entertain me with her horrifying and hilarious stories of saving animals and being stuck in lifts. We managed to consume around five or so of these, until we realised everyone had left and people were asking if they could pack up the chairs we were sitting on. Despite being inebriated we got the hint and thinking fast we took the last of the free cruisers, hid them in our coats and finished them out on the street. After which we decided it was a good idea to get more drinks. We of coarse found a rooftop bar within minutes (yep Melbourne is awesome) and continued the night.We also found this rather amazing spewing swan tap (yep Melbourne is AWESOME)

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By Peny, July 21, 2010 1:21 pm

So just as we only start to get over our hangovers and begin functioning in society again, yet another Thursday night Lambda is about to roll around. The times have been a-changing within the Lambda fraternity. Fresh bearded faces are about to debut in the dj booth, marketing managers are yet to live down taking there shirts off in public, djs have cut there hair :( and some peeps have been promoted.One such peep is Lucy. Previously employed as the very un- bitchy door bitch, this red headed beauty is now the newly appointed Madame of Lambda. That might not be her official title exactly, I’m sure running a club equals more than just yelling at people while wearing pearls and dancing on tables, but it sure does have a nice ring to it. To put it in Moulin Rouge terms she’s the Missy Elliot and the dj posse plays the part of Xtina, Maya, Pink with James Wright as Lil’Kim, naturally.

Apart from being the Madame of the night, you should also know Lucy is one of the most photogenic bitches around (hate chu). So with jelousy in my heart and Lady Marmalade in my head, I curtseyed politely and posed some questions to the lady of Lambda.

Tip on making it past the door at Lambda?
Probably my number 1 tip I have is try not to hide a bottle of wine in your skirt and then when you’re at the front of the line drop it in front of everybody, bouncers included (and get clapped off when you get rejected entry). Aside from that, come on in with a smile (or not) and I’ll stamp your arm for a measly price.

Track that gets you on the d-floor?
Ginuwine- Pony.
What do you write on your etch it cup?
B.N.T.K. Bitches Need To Know. What do they need to know? Well, they just need to know, apparently.

Beverage of choice?
Vodka slushies always go down a treat. Although the sugar hangover the next day can be quite interesting…I can honestly say that due to slushies, I am now not allowed to go and work at my other job selling cinema tickets on Friday mornings anymore.

Favourite performance so far?
Definitely Myths and Tropics. They are just such nice guys, ya know!

Most babe’n dj?
You know that Benrama guy? He is kinda cute, I guess…. Haha. One thing Lambda is missing?
I think we need more confetti. And streamers. And helium balloons. And maybe bringing back the 90s posters we used to have up on the walls when we started. Think Leonardo DiCaprio (Titanic era), All Saints, Westlife… that sort of deal.

Trick to being so fucking photogenic?
Washing your hair every so often, and having the eyesight of a 60 year old (yeah, I got told that the other day by my optometrist. I kinda wonder what my eyesight will be like when I am 60 if it’s the same as a 60 year old person’s now.)

Best thing you’ve seen at Lambda?
The amount of lovely people who come through every week looking forward to the general Lambda antics that always ensue. And also when my fellow Lambda frat buddy Tim Spooner rode a bike down the footpath outside at 3am.

Worst thing?
When a guy fell over outside the club getting arrested and dislocated his own shoulder.
Also pink vomit in the sinks of the girls bathrooms.  What the fuck is with the gaffa taped mouths?
I think its some sort of fraternity hazing/initiation ceremony. Perhaps these individuals have decided to create their own fraternity within the Lambda frat? It’s always good to know your brothers/sisters have your back even though you might have a sore mouth the next day from ripping the tape off.

If blondes have more fun, then what to red heads have?
Regrowth and fading hair colour faaaaaaaar too often!

You know it’s time to leave Lambda when………….
Its 4am and James Wright is playing Marvin Gaye.

Once again we have 5 double passes to give away to the Thursday night festivities which this week includes Baby Seal Club, Dead Shades, baby faced djs, girls dancing on podiums, pink vommit and the lovely Lucy.

To win a double pass which equals free entry, free Hell pizza and cheap beverages simply email peny@penylane.com with Lady Marmalade in the subject and they could be yours. Those lucky winners will be notified Thursday morning.

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By Peny, July 21, 2010 9:00 am

All of my most favourite women in the world (minus Elaine Benes) all wearing fabulous fluffy fur. There are fur coats everywhere here in the stores in Melbourne but I’ve only seen one very fabulous old lady wearing one. It’s pretty much a sea of long black coats where ever you go. I was told by a shop assistant the other day that it’s a faux pas to wear fur during the day. I’m happy to wear my faux pas badge with faux fur pride.  I’ve now begun the hunt for a delicious cream fur coat/furry beanie/furry anything to live in 24/7.