Peny Lane’s Guide on How To: Candy Drop
Requirements:
1x Car
1x Bucket of Candy (Why the Americanism you may wonder? Because it sounds like happiness, that’s why. CAAAAAANNDYYY!)
1x ‘Candy Shop’ Single by 50 Cent, on repeat
2x Walkie Talkies
1x Pair of creepers for creeping
Some form of Disguise (We used a Batman mask and 90′s gangsta-space goggles for this particular mission)
Add 2x peachy keen pals for bonus giggles
Look, I’m no Martha Stewart. The closest I’ve ever gotten to DIY is using a safety-pin last Thursday night to fix my borrowed (sorry Peny, I owe you!), already quite sheer top when it ripped- as a means to prevent slipping a bit of nipple to some poor, unsuspecting human being (note to self: start wearing a bra).
However, what you will find is that I’m quite the expert in two things: crushing on utter strangers and embarrassing myself. So why not combine the two into a fun-filled night jampacked with obscene amounts of sugar, tips on boys from a lovely, but very assertive middle-aged bird working the checkout at the Confectionary Warehouse, a roadtrip where you almost certainly get lost several times, and an all-round, potential pants-wetting adventure?!
But how, I hear you ask, how, oh wise and powerful blogger, are we to achieve such a glorious sounding feat?
Well, that is why I’m here friends, to let you in on a revolutionary secret that will blow your mindholes- known only to Peny and I (and now our newfound ally Maggie Nolan) as, prepare yourselves, Operation: Candy Drop. Whoa. I know.
Wait, but what is this, ‘Operation: Candy Drop‘, I can see you inquire? Alright, Eddie Mcguire, hows about you stop quizzing me and let me get to it.
Step 1:Find a sharp- looking individual who you want to let know, that you think they’re rad, but haven’t had the balls to do so (other than maybe cough as they walk past in the hope that they look at you, which doesn’t count).
Step 2: In some way or another access their phone number and home address. Creepy? Maybe. Worth it? Fuck yeah.
Step 3: Rig in two of your pals to tag along; army rolls, creating walkie-talkie code names, sprinting away from who you thought was the victim mid-candy bomb and hiding behind cars, doubled over from laffs is nowhere near as fun without them.
Step 4: Make the trip to Confectionary Warehouse (the birthplace of unicorns and fairies and Margaret Pomeranz; where your wildest dreams can come true) and purchase your weight in candy. Preferably Seinfield references such as Pez, Jujy Fruits and Junior Mints and other such classics including Whizz Fizz, Fizzers, Ghost Drops and Warheads.
Step 5: Drive to said sharp- looking individual’s abode and park from a suitable vantage point. Put in place disguise, prepare candy in bucket and come up with some walkie-talkie code names (for example: Salami Sandwich, or in case of emergency: Mayonnaise) Then sneak, maybe even army roll across the road and shove candy inside letter box.
Step 6: Run giggling like school girls back to the car, make one of your allies call the completely unaware victim from their phone, and using a disguised voice (be creative as you like- just, like, I don’t know, maybe try and avoid a homicidal maniac type tone) ask them to check their mailbox. Then wait in the car to view the more than rewarding results.
If afraid of appearing as a total stalker, do not stress- these fears will wash away once you, and I promise you will, giggle till you cry with your companions and realise how much fun it is to do something lovely for an almost stranger. And if these fears continue to bother you, well, there will always be a large stash of candy waiting for you to eat your feelings.
Somehow I picture you guys listening to Mandy Moore singing about candy rather than 50c.
Interesting article, nice candy selection
words cannot accurately express how much i love you two
[...] hook ups would just disappear and signing off by throwing a sly wink at the camera man, aka Tim ‘candy drop’ Spooner. Good [...]